Good Communication: Meeting People Where They Are

Travelling through Africa with groups of very different people has taught us all so much over the years. Every trip has its own plans, routes, focus and group members. But one thing can make or break the whole experience: communication.

People arrive with different personalities, life experiences, skills and expectations. Some are relaxed and happy to go with the flow, some want all your attention and to know every detail, some are quiet, while others have strong opinions and need a soapbox. But this is all the joy of travelling with humans!

I think I have learned a lot about communication and observation and like many of us, I know I have also got it wrong at times. Sometimes I have spoken too quickly or failed to listen properly. I have assumed I understood what someone wanted before giving them the chance to explain. At other times, I may have misread a situation I thought I was sure about, or I have waited too long to deal with a challenge.

My mistakes have taught me an important lesson, that good communication starts by meeting people where they are and being consistent.

Meeting people where they are

My good friend Haley Dahl once said to me that we should always meet people where they are. For me this means understanding each persons experience, expectations and comfort level, especially on their first trip to Africa, and communicating with them without judgement.

Someone who seems demanding may actually just be worried, and someone asking the same question repeatedly may simply need reassurance. A quiet person may be tired, shy or unsure, or simply 'a quiet person'.

Years ago another good friend told me that if we go about our day with compassion, tolerance and understanding, I will naturally come to a place in my work where I ask myself “what is this person really feeling?”, “what do they need from me?” and “how can I communicate better with this person?”

The same principle applies when communicating across cultures, where our language, mannerisms and assumptions may not be understood in the way we expect.

Animals teach us consistency

Anyone who has spent time watching elephants will know that every elephant is different. The same is probably true of every animal, wild or domestic. Certainly, if you have ever kept chickens (an odd analogy but stay with me) you will know that they may all look identical, but spend enough time with them and you soon discover a lot of characters. The bossy one, the nervous one, the curious one, the one who comes into the house and the one who always does their own thing.

A herd of elephants is not simply a group of identical animals moving together. Each elephant has its own personality, history and place in the herd. Some are confident and others are cautious. Young elephants are often boisterous, curious and playful, while older elephants appear calmer, more confident and experienced.

They know each other as individuals, and researchers tell us that African elephants may sometimes use special, name like calls for particular individuals. So elephants can send a general message to the herd while also directing a message to a particular elephant. I am sure this is true of many other species, we simply do not speak their language.

Like elephants and other animals, we sometimes need to communicate with everyone and sometimes with a particular individual. A general message may keep the group informed, but it will not always meet everyones needs. Some people want every detail before breakfast, while others simply need to know that everything is under control. Some find my daft jokes reassuring, but others may feel that their concerns are not being taken seriously.

So there is a careful balance to good communication and this means knowing when to address the whole herd, when to speak directly to the individual, and reacting appropriately to the odd 'elephant in the room'.

Communication is more than words

An elephant does not always need verbal communication to make its feelings clear. Its stance, the position of its head, the movement of its trunk and the way it holds itself can all send a clear message.

Our communication works in much the same way. People notice our tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. They can tell when we are truly listening and when our mind is somewhere else. What we say matters but how we say it can matter even more. This is part of the reason why face to face communication can be more meaningful than communicating online, although online communication has its place.

Good communication is not only about sending a message, it's also about receiving one and elephants are very aware of whats happening around them. They listen, observe and respond consistently.

I know we do not have to observe elephants to understand this stuff, but animals are remarkably consistent. That consistancy is the main reason I like to use wildlife as our teachers.

Nature does not follow our plans

Another reason communication via regular briefings is especially important on our adventures is that nature does not follow our itinerary. Animals do not appear because we want them to, the weather changes, roads become difficult and flights are delayed. A plan that looked perfect at the morning briefing may be impossible by the afternoon, and people react to these changes in different ways dependant on how and when we communicate.

Some accept changes easily, while others become anxious or annoyed. This can be difficult, especially when I know the situation is outside my control.

Telling someone “that’s just how Africa is" may be true but it's not very helpful. It can sound dismissive, and so better to say “I understand that this isn’t what we planned, so let me explain what has happened and what our options are.”

Being understanding does not mean accepting rudeness

Meeting people where they are and being understanding does not mean accepting rudeness. I have a responsibility to look after the whole group and make sure each trip remains safe and true to its particular route, focus and ethos.

If someone appears rude, it's worth first considering whether this is actually rude or simply unfamiliar to us. I've learnt that what seems abrupt or disrespectful in one culture may be normal in another. Good communication means adapting our thinking, paying attention to differences in conversation and not comparing everything to our culture.

Sometimes a friendly conversation is all that is needed to understand what was meant and avoid turning a cultural difference into a problem. People are on holiday and it is not my place to police them, so I would only ever step in if safety were involved or if someone had been upset and the situation needed calming. Quite often I have found that members of the group resolve these moments naturally among themselves which is the normal way of things.

As humans, not wild animals, we must choose to handle these moments with sensitivity, compassion and an understanding of how our words may affect both the individual and the wider group. I don't think the aim should be to win an argument, rather to restore respectful communication so that everyone can talk or debate, move forward and enjoy themselves.

I am still learning

I would like to say that after all these years I now get communication right every time. Unfortunately several reliable witnesses remain who would disagree with this!

Elephants and other animals have taught me the value of being consistent in my communication. Communication needs to be clear, honest and respectful throughout the journey.

Consistency does not mean speaking to everyone in exactly the same way. It means bringing the same values to every conversation while recognising that people have different personalities, worries and expectations.

Personally I don’t think we need to prove that we are right, demonstrate that we know more or insist on having the final word. If we are focused on defending ourselves or winning an argument, we are no longer listening or communicating properly.

Leaving ego behind allows us to stay interested or admit when we have made a mistake and consider other points of view. When ego is removed from our communication we are listening not simply waiting to talk.

During our adventures in Africa so many relationships are built through time spent together and communicating well. Sitting around a fire, sharing a long drive, talking under the shade of a tree or chatting over dinner can create the strongest connection between us.

When we leave our ego behind and communicate with kindness, we make space for real connection.

Angus